


Just Like Sunshine

by LytynUponCerellia



Series: Goodbye, Camelot [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8675926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LytynUponCerellia/pseuds/LytynUponCerellia
Summary: He was just like sunshine, slipping through his fingers; never to be kept, never to be held for longer than a few moments.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I'd like to apologize for this. I was in the mood, and NEVER, I repeat, NEVER trick yourself into thinking you can go back and rewatch the finale again after only about a month later.  
> Trust me on this.  
> -M

For all the beauty in the world, he was never quite certain how one could look so utterly...above it all.

He gazes into blue eyes he knows only far too well, vibrant with life and spirit, just like he remembers, but reflecting years upon years of having witnessed hardship and suffering. That tousled, golden hair, swept just so across his forehead, touching his eyebrows. Silver armor, light bouncing off of it like a polished mirror of the highest quality. A long, crimson cloak, sweeping across the ground in uncanny grace. That solid stance, straight shoulders, head up. Face set in a regal, unflinching expression. Bold, strong, unyielding.

He could stare at him all day. He knows that this moment, this one peaceful, eternal moment, must end. But for now, he cannot contain his euphoria.

He thinks he lets out choked sound for a brief second, and the man before him turns and breaks out into a painfully familiar smile in joyful greeting.

"Merlin!"

He feels a smile break across his face, and tries to approach him, but is frozen. He cannot move, cannot reach out. He is paralyzed without a hope of a single movement.

He struggles, trying to move towards him, but in vain. The cruelty of it all is unparalleled. The one thing he longs for the most in this world, and yet he cannot even get anywhere near him. Before his eyes, his King begins to warp and fade from sight. He's leaving. He's vanishing into thin air, and he cannot do anything to prevent him from going.

In desperation, his instincts screaming, he throws out a hand in despair towards him.

" _Arthur_!"

Merlin bolts upright in his bed, panting, gasping for breath.

Once he regains his senses, he slumps forwards and puts his head in his hands.

It was a dream. Just a bittersweet, remaining fantasy.

Trembling, he looks up slowly towards the door, and chuckles to himself bitterly. Arthur is gone. He will never come through that door again.

_"Have you seen my useless toad of a servant?"_

He lets out another shaky breath, trying to calm himself. The dream left him with nothing but regret, sharp and cold, even after all these months.

It still hurt as bad as if someone had run him through and left him to rot.

He can still feel the warmth of Arthur's body leaving him as he heaved his last few breaths in his arms.

_"All your magic, Merlin. And you can't save my life."_

He had failed. His destiny had been for naught. So what if their story lived on in the minds of men? It wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't bring Arthur back, and it certainly didn't comfort him as much as Kilgharrah had made it seem like it should have.

He rocks back and forth slowly. Focuses on breathing in and out slowly.

It was like sunshine. You reached for it, managed to catch its warmth in your hands for a few moments. But ultimately, it wouldn't last.

Arthur had slipped through Merlin's fingers, his heart and soul lost to him. His courage and spirit at the bottom of a lake.

Arthur was just like sunshine, slipping through his fingers; never to be kept, never to be held for longer than a few moments.

Merlin had held on to his warmth, clung on to it, for as long as possible, denying the odds and trying his best to defy destiny. But in the end, his King had still perished.

Merlin closes his eyes, lies back down on the bed, clutching the covers up to his throat.

If he tries hard enough, he can still envision Arthur standing there, just like he used to, looking just like he did before.

He would smile, and shake his head in exasperation at something Merlin did.

_"Clotpole."_

"Dollophead." Merlin murmurs faintly, his eyes still shut.

He could stare at Arthur forever, just like that. His King, in all his glory.

His master.

His best friend.

He knew it was only a dream, an illusion to hide the hole that had been carved in his heart.

A dream, nothing more.

But that one peaceful moment, etched into eternity?

For that one moment, with just the two of them there, Merlin was happy.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please feel free to leave comments, I'd love to hear feedback!  
> -M


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